All of us have that good friend who may want somewhat encouragement to do one thing they’re somewhat apprehensive about. Or one thing that simply plain scares them. Like main a run-out solid, or falling right into a couloir they have not skied earlier than, or rowing a rapids with a status for flipping boats, or driving a technical course recognized for breaking bikes and bones. And sometimes we’re that good friend who wants the encouragement.
Typically encouraging requires a device referred to as “sandbagging,” the place a good friend convinces an anxious good friend to do this factor that scares them by making the factor appear simpler than it really is. Sandbags is not fairly mendacity, however not fairly the reality, and ultimately a good friend is happy that he/she helped the anxious good friend “pull their limits”, and the previously anxious good friend is… nicely, the reactions actually differ.
Sandbagging happens when two pals have completely different perceptions of the much less skilled good friend’s capacity, and the extra skilled good friend desires the much less skilled good friend to discover their private skills by means of a formative expertise. Sandbagging could be difficult on one finish of the spectrum and terrifying and deeply emotionally damaging on the opposite. That is the way it typically works:
Stage 1: Doubt
Pal #1 believes that their proficiency in a sport isn’t adequate for a selected objective (for instance: driving the Portal Path, main the crux pitch of The Bare Edge, rowing Lava Falls). Pal #2 believes Pal #1’s ability is sufficient, and the one factor that is actually lacking is belief.
Part 2: the gross sales pitch
Right here Pal #2 tries to offer the fitting confidence, with quite a few techniques to persuade Pal #1 that the inconceivable is feasible. Pal #2 minimizes the hazard or uncertainty by saying issues like “Simply chill out”, “There is a brief technical part, however in any other case it is easy”, “You do not want #4 Camalot for this pitch”, “For those who can comply with it, you possibly can lead it,” and lots of different phrases, normally together with the final word sandbag axiom, which is “it will likely be all proper.” The important thing right here is to softly however firmly push by means of the sale.
Stage 3: Dedication
When good friend #2 says, “It will be high quality,” good friend #1 solely has 51% to consider it. Pal #1 wants simply sufficient confidence to do what they want however could not suppose they need: tie themselves up and tie into the rope, click on into their pedals and fall in, seize the oars and the pull boat into water. present one, or purchase the airline tickets, or take no matter irreversible first step is important for a memorable and formative expertise. Pal #2 wants both a) solely a 70-80% perception that Pal #1 can do what they want, however could not suppose they need, or b) solely a 49% perception that they need to stay pals with good friend #1 .
Part 4: the end result
After good friend #1 decides to step into the void, march towards their concern, or launch themselves into the customarily terrifying river of non-public progress, quite a few outcomes, each optimistic and unfavourable, are doable. Unscientific estimates put sandbag success charges within the 75% vary, however are solely anecdotal. Within the case of a failed sandbag, unfavourable penalties are doable, comparable to damaged bones, damaged bike elements, swearing off climbing for the remainder of your life, and embarrassing public breakups. (It is vital to notice right here that sandbagging in romantic relationships is extraordinarily dangerous and sometimes disastrous, and will solely be tried with excessive warning, if in any respect.) On a optimistic observe, private boundaries are sometimes shattered, climbing careers are launched , Fb profile footage are taken and astronomical leaps in private progress can happen.
Typically, although not all the time, a friendship will survive a sandbag. The chance of this varies broadly based mostly on many components, together with the age of the friendship, the brutality of the sandbag, the respective emotional stability of the 2 pals concerned, every’s appreciation of the worth of intense experiences, and the quantity of bodily and emotional injury sustained by the end result of the sandbag. It is vital to weigh these components as greatest you possibly can earlier than you really sandbag a detailed good friend.
An excellent common rule is, in case your good friend does not survive your sandbag, your friendship will not survive both.